Assuming the best isn’t always easy.
Sometimes people have the best intentions, but what they say doesn’t come across how they intended. They were trying to help or to relate, but instead, it feels a little like salt in the wound. In today’s show, we dive deeper into how to assume the best even when words hurt and people’s motives seem strange. Proverbs 21:2 says ‘All man’s ways seem right to him, but the Lord weighs the heart.’ Dear Friend, God knows their motive even when we misinterpret it. Let’s allow the Spirit to guide our hearts and show them grace.
We pray that this episode encourages you to choose grace and extend love to others(even when it’s hard)!
Episode Highlights:
Links Mentioned in Episode/Find More on Purpose Beyond Motherhood and Twelve 12 Ministries :
Assuming the best isn’t always easy.
Sometimes people have the best intentions, but what they say doesn’t come across how they intended. They were trying to help or to relate, but instead, it feels a little like salt in the wound. In today’s show, we dive deeper into how to assume the best even when words hurt and people’s motives seem strange. Proverbs 21:2 says ‘All man’s ways seem right to him, but the Lord weighs the heart.’ Dear Friend, God knows their motive even when we misinterpret it. Let’s allow the Spirit to guide our hearts and show them grace.
We pray that this episode encourages you to choose grace and extend love to others(even when it’s hard)!
Episode Highlights:
Links Mentioned in Episode/Find More on Purpose Beyond Motherhood and Twelve 12 Ministries :
00:00.00
twelve12ministries
Hey friends welcome to another episode of the purpose beyond motherhood podcast. We are so glad that you have joined us today I am here with my amazing co-host Holly Perkowski and hey you guys? Yes, we just want to let you know really quick before we jump in is that.
00:11.10
Holly Piorkowski
Hello.
00:18.10
twelve12ministries
The podcast is just a small way that you can connect with us at none ministries so number None we are online. We've got this really amazing and beautiful community that you can join. It's got ladies all over really all over the world but also just in your communities that you can connect with. We go a little bit further into you know details of the podcast and what we're talking about. We've got tons of resources. We want to connect with you there and then also we know that we can only be virtual for so long we need interaction with people. We have an in-person event happening. October Fourteenth in Frisco texas super excited because holly is going to be blessing us you guys she is going to be sharing a little bit. She's goingnna be on a panel. This is a this is gonna be amazing I know it I'm so expectant because she's going to be on a panel you guys with her mom.
01:07.11
Holly Piorkowski
Um.
01:14.12
twelve12ministries
And with one of her bffs just kind of sharing that infertility journey and then also of the perspective of hey what did my mom go through what did my friend go through in just like how did they walk this out together. So we're really really excited for a refined in October but.
01:21.96
Holly Piorkowski
Yeah.
01:32.59
twelve12ministries
Holly I'm super excited.
01:34.41
Holly Piorkowski
I'm I am pumped. Also my mom is so little and so cute and Jacqueline is like a fashion magazine with two legs so they'll be super fun to be. They're just good. They're just good people truly.
01:37.94
twelve12ministries
Like you don't wait for your mom.
01:45.74
twelve12ministries
Yeah, it's it's going to be a really great conversation and just a beautiful evening um of hope so I'm excited about that. But I'm really just so excited to talk with you today because we are just talking about how can we assume the best.
01:51.69
Holly Piorkowski
Yes.
02:02.18
Holly Piorkowski
Yes, oh girl? yes.
02:04.29
twelve12ministries
Even when words hurt and people's motives seem strange. Ok so I followed this one guy on socials. His name is Sean Boltz I think and he posted this meme the other day with Jesus he's like behind a desk in its and it says.
02:16.96
Holly Piorkowski
Sweetness.
02:21.96
twelve12ministries
How I feel after talking with someone who is rude to me. You know it's hard to when someone says something that you don't either agree with or it really hurts your feelings. Maybe they're trying to be kind but it just comes off so rude and just how.
02:25.15
Holly Piorkowski
So hard.
02:38.56
Holly Piorkowski
Um.
02:41.85
twelve12ministries
I Mean how do we do that? How do we even respond to that I know I know we can but it's just that's tough.
02:49.26
Holly Piorkowski
It's so tough. Yeah I mean we've we've talked about this a bit here and there but I just feel like it's It's really hard when you don't understand someone's motive when you don't understand why they said something to respond lovingly.
03:03.76
twelve12ministries
Um, yeah, um.
03:05.67
Holly Piorkowski
Or even to respond well maybe not even lovingly but in like a clear and like no thank you or that was interesting way. Um, but yeah I mean the None point that I have is even if you don't understand or misinterpret their motive god knows it and god sees it. Um, and then I went to scripture with this because I was kind of like I've never.
03:09.53
twelve12ministries
Um.
03:18.96
twelve12ministries
Yes.
03:25.12
Holly Piorkowski
Really I mean you know you hear the verses about the lord knows the heart. But um, this first one is proverb 16 1 and 2 and it says to humans belong the plans of the heart. But from the lord comes the proper answer of the tongue all a person's ways seem pure to them.
03:37.55
twelve12ministries
Um, ah, that's powerful. Yeah.
03:42.24
Holly Piorkowski
But Motives are weighed by the Lord I feel like they're such freedom like so powerful I didn't I And of course I like hung out in proverbs for a lot of this because I feel like this they deal a lot with the heart and what comes from the heart and all of that stuff. Um, but I just felt touch freedom and realizing.
03:53.73
twelve12ministries
Yes.
04:01.50
Holly Piorkowski
That even if a person thinks their motive is pure and saying something to you and even if their motive might be good. It's It's the lord that weighs that it's not on you to decipher what if that is is from a good place or not. It's on them and it's between them and the lord.
04:07.99
twelve12ministries
Um.
04:13.57
twelve12ministries
Um, yeah, yeah.
04:19.95
Holly Piorkowski
So I think that just brings freedom and then I looked at proverbs 21 verse None which says all man's ways seem right to him but the Lord Weighs the heart again I feel like just in infertility in motherhood in walking through trying to conceive or trying to figure things out. Anyone that gives you advice. They think what they're saying is right or helpful. Um, but it's not on you to determine what the case is there. That's on that's that's the Lord's job um so I think it's just so freeing like I think you should give people the benefit of the doubt. Um.
04:39.28
twelve12ministries
Is.
04:47.59
twelve12ministries
Yes, a hundred percent
04:56.56
Holly Piorkowski
What they're trying to say they believe is helpful and and it is from a good place but I want to just say to the woman that's like replaying things in her head that people have said to her you just take that to the Lord You don't need to worry about the individual that said it to you just take that to him.
04:59.50
twelve12ministries
A.
05:12.67
twelve12ministries
Yeah, so good. Okay, so this second point I Love this so much because it's like how are we responding? are we responding in the spirit or are we responding in the flesh and I think that this is so good because we need to ask the lord.
05:15.63
Holly Piorkowski
That is my piece. Yes, fifth Yes, girl off. Um.
05:30.49
twelve12ministries
In our moment of response for his words to fill our mouth so not just us quickly responding in the flesh but in the spirit so again proverbs were hanging out in proverbs today and this is the and iv version proverbs None and 2 and it says a gentle answer turns away wrath.
05:33.36
Holly Piorkowski
Yes.
05:40.40
Holly Piorkowski
Um, ah.
05:50.40
twelve12ministries
But a harsh word stirs up Anger The tongue of the wise adorns knowledge but the mouth of the fool gushes folly come on you guys. But.
05:56.12
Holly Piorkowski
It's good. So good. Yes, that gave me chills So good. Yeah.
06:03.36
twelve12ministries
Ah, we have to be wise. Yeah, we have to be wise and pay attention to and paying attention to what we say so we can have a gentle answer but okay, but proverbs None and come on the message version. This is one of my version.
06:09.91
Holly Piorkowski
Absolutely absolutely and I mm. Um I Love it. Um.
06:21.10
twelve12ministries
Love the message. Also um, the passion translation just throwing that out there. But here's the message proper None and it says kind words heal and help cutting words wound and maim wow. Um.
06:31.94
Holly Piorkowski
Yes, when I read Mame I was like man like cripple like that's all I think of and like if you're trying to come at someone and I don't feel like this is typically the case. But if you do encounter someone that their motive is rude like this would be um.
06:38.30
twelve12ministries
Yes.
06:45.71
twelve12ministries
Um, yeah.
06:50.55
Holly Piorkowski
Just I think to remind yourself that those words are not aligning with the lord. They're not helpful. They're not life-giving. They're not fruitful like if someone says something to you about the fact that you chose to do ivf and how you oh you must not trust God like you know, right? then and there no.
06:59.53
twelve12ministries
Um, thank you.
07:05.10
twelve12ministries
Yes, ah.
07:08.10
Holly Piorkowski
That's not from the lord at all like he gave these doctors a wisdom and then science I mean the Lord put all of that in these these brilliant people's minds and hearts and he placed that in their head that is that is something that he designed to help people just like any other medication like cancer treatments I mean.
07:22.25
twelve12ministries
That's good.
07:26.14
Holly Piorkowski
I Don't know I Just think we can get and we've talked about this just the nitty gritty splitting hairs theological I don't I didn't go to seminary discussions like you don't need to make someone feel feel poorly because they're considering something that in your eyes might look like they're not trusting God Well yeah, they are trusting him. It's just a different way.
07:32.11
twelve12ministries
Yeah.
07:42.94
twelve12ministries
Yes, yeah, absolutely. We're called to love? No no, that's good like we are called to love. We're not called to judge you know I just was talking to delaney about that the other day and you know she's she's on this thing where she is still like upset with Adam and eve like she is not happy with them.
07:45.83
Holly Piorkowski
Sorry for my cell box I'm like yes yes, ah.
07:59.60
Holly Piorkowski
Um, oh I think I went through that as a kid. Um, that's good.
08:02.50
twelve12ministries
That they yes and so we're yeah so we're discussing you know our choices and choosing God you know, but also yes, they made a mistake but we're still called to love. So even though they someone now might live a different lifestyle than us.
08:14.52
Holly Piorkowski
Um, yes, totally um, literally junk garbage with the.
08:18.61
twelve12ministries
That we still are called to love So the same thing if someone's given you junk ah out of their mouths. Yes, out of their mouths. We know how to combat that with God's word.
08:29.33
Holly Piorkowski
Yes, and I do want to kind of make a differential statement that might not be the right word but close enough. We're not talking about like we understand that not everything someone says to you is going to be icky. Typically what we're referring to are the people that ah.
08:41.34
twelve12ministries
Yeah.
08:46.84
Holly Piorkowski
They think they're being helpful and they don't really know what to say? um like well yes I was going to say I can go ahead and go to point number 3 and loop this in but um, point number 3 is your job is not to try and make sense of someone else's perspective of your pain. So.
08:47.30
twelve12ministries
Yes, yeah, let let's give some examples. Yeah, really quick. Yeah yes.
09:05.51
Holly Piorkowski
Before we start a recording today. We we talked about when someone says oh well, you were only nine weeks long when you miscarried like that's so nice for you and they aren't going to work it like that but they might say like thank goodness you weren't x y z weeks along or months along, um their intention isn't to.
09:17.70
twelve12ministries
Yeah, um.
09:25.32
Holly Piorkowski
Downplay your loss. Their intention is to lighten that on your heart they're they're wanting to make you feel you know like a little little boosted from that heaviness. They're not trying to say like oh that wasn't that big of a deal. They're trying to say oh that could have been.
09:27.81
twelve12ministries
Yes, Okay, yeah.
09:38.33
twelve12ministries
A.
09:44.47
Holly Piorkowski
This is a way I can help lift this weight off of you for a moment I Really do feel like you have to choose to see that in that situation. Um I don't know if that made sense. Okay, oh girl I Told you.
09:45.51
twelve12ministries
Yes, Yeah I think too. Do you agree? Even yeah, absolutely., But even those comments of just hey relax and you'll get pregnant. Or you know do so just yeah, so things like that that that's kind of what we we are referring to is just that people mean well. However, yeah.
10:06.43
Holly Piorkowski
Totally my mother and she might she might mention this at the event 1 time she told me to relax and I think just the way I in mothers know their girls and their children in general the way I looked at her. She never said it again.
10:16.73
twelve12ministries
Yeah.
10:23.47
Holly Piorkowski
And we still she will still be like I'm so sorry I said that I'm like Mom I knew your heart wasn't for me to like chill out. It wasn't like an aggressive thing for her to say that in her mind it was like I just want to remind you as your mom to relax. But I heard it as you're freaking out. Let go you know.
10:27.49
twelve12ministries
Yeah.
10:35.58
twelve12ministries
Yeah, you say yes.
10:42.66
Holly Piorkowski
Um, anyways, but back to a well back back back. The meme that we talked about before this I told you about the one that said, um, shoot What was it the fork it was like the next time someone tells you to relax, ask them if you could like put a fork in their eye and tell them to relax or something. It's like. When someone points out pain a lot of times they think they're helping but in reality it might feel like they are putting a fork in your eye in that moment and it's not helpful. Um, yes I'm ready. Yes, Um, so back to someone else's perspective of your pain y'all should have taken.
11:07.52
twelve12ministries
Yes, yeah, no, not helpful, but Holly I know that you have some scripture to go along with yes.
11:20.90
Holly Piorkowski
Adderall today som 56 verse eight this is also the message you've kept track of every toss and turn through the sleepless nights each tier entered in your ledger each ache written in your book and we actually I referred to this scripture in the last podcast that we did and I didn't have it ready but I was ready today. Um.
11:37.71
twelve12ministries
Yes, get it.
11:40.55
Holly Piorkowski
Just the lord records all of that like he he is aware. It is not beyond him. It is not too minute of a detail for him to keep in his mind. Um, and I think just that god will cover your heart in these situations with people just as he's covering you through every painful thing in your life. He's going to cover. Your heart if you ask him to and if you ask him to just filter just truth to be heard through your ears when someone's saying something like oh just relax. Oh thankfully, you weren't that far along like just remind yourself that I would say None times out of 10 their intention is to help you and.
12:02.71
twelve12ministries
Um, yeah.
12:14.77
twelve12ministries
Yes, um.
12:17.66
Holly Piorkowski
They don't know what to say they haven't sat where you're sitting and they're trying to bring a hopeful moment and the lifting of that heaviness on you. Thank you.
12:25.70
twelve12ministries
Exactly. Ah, Holly yeah know I love you so much. Friend. Yes, okay, so point 4 I love this because Grace is like our word first of all for 1212 this year but god is a god of Grace peace and clarity.
12:31.74
Holly Piorkowski
Struggle I don't know girl.
12:41.38
Holly Piorkowski
Um, yes.
12:48.91
twelve12ministries
And then this point I just think it's so great to add add onto this is that we have to show grace when it doesn't make any sense you know Jesus did that we can do it but we've got to. We've got to ask for help and we've got to ask the lord so this bible verse. It's None Peter for.
12:53.81
Holly Piorkowski
Um, Amen amen.
13:07.47
twelve12ministries
8 and 10 and it says above all love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of sins. Okay, that's huge and then each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others.
13:16.37
Holly Piorkowski
Um, and.
13:23.95
twelve12ministries
As financial stewards of God's grace in its various forms if anyone speaks they should do as one who speaks the very words of God So powerful all man that encouraged me I was like okay lord. Yes.
13:32.79
Holly Piorkowski
So good. Yes, right? I that um whenever we're called to love and we're called to realize that even in a situation that might appear unloving.
13:41.26
twelve12ministries
We're called to love.
13:49.31
Holly Piorkowski
Or confusing or un-peasful I think something I remind myself of a lot is that we don't serve or love a God of confusion we serve and love a God of clarity and he's concise and he's consistent and he.
13:55.70
twelve12ministries
Um, yeah amen.
14:03.77
Holly Piorkowski
He's not trying to make you feel confused so when you receive that advice or that word that's confusing. You just need to realize that's not from him and if you get like a turning in your stomach or you feel uneasy. It's most likely not from him.
14:10.62
twelve12ministries
You know.
14:16.25
twelve12ministries
Right.
14:18.21
Holly Piorkowski
Like I I think there's a difference between him pushing you towards something and then the enemy trying to creep something in for you to believe that's not from him. Um, and I think a lot of times if you're hearing something I remember 1 time I had a pastor tell me that she felt like it was something spiritual which was the reason why I wasn't getting pregnant in that moment.
14:22.43
twelve12ministries
Oh yeah, absolutely.
14:34.13
twelve12ministries
Um, yeah, that's not for me. Yeah.
14:38.20
Holly Piorkowski
The Lord instantly was like that's not I felt the lord say that's not for me and it came from a pastor and it's not she wasn't a pastor that I had a good relationship with so that also helped me quickly dismiss it. But just to realize people are people. Yes, they serve the lord but they still.
14:48.57
twelve12ministries
Who.
14:55.52
Holly Piorkowski
Might say something that doesn't align with him because they're confused in that moment and we don't serve a god of confusion. Thank you so number 5 I yes, go girl.
14:56.31
twelve12ministries
Yeah, yes, um, that's so good. Okay, can I I just need a tag on something really fast. Okay, so I went to um, this women's retreat which it was life changing was so amazing.
15:11.96
Holly Piorkowski
Um.
15:15.53
twelve12ministries
A pastor spoke over me and said hey you're going to have a son like you're going to have a son. He's going to be a prophet and I and since I was in that season of just like get pregnant have a baby like that was all my focus like I held onto that so tight and now we're going I mean God can do anything.
15:19.47
Holly Piorkowski
Um, and then.
15:29.36
Holly Piorkowski
Yes, bright. Yeah I know you do? Yeah yes.
15:34.78
twelve12ministries
I know that I believe him I trust him you know. However, I'm just like okay was that really from the Lord like was that really from him and I wish that my heart was ah in a little bit ah of different space to really have taken that really to the feet of Jesus and saying like yes you you know.
15:45.50
Holly Piorkowski
Yeah.
15:51.33
Holly Piorkowski
Yeah, absolutely yeah, it's just I think it's really hard too when you're in that spiritual or church setting or conference setting when someone speaks something to you. It's just yeah, really taking it to Lord is such a good reminder I love that you said that? yeah.
15:53.87
twelve12ministries
But yeah I I totally understand that that's good. Um.
16:05.64
twelve12ministries
Taking it to the lord. Yeah, some good. Yeah.
16:10.22
Holly Piorkowski
Okay, so number 5 this is not really scripturally whatever but and be able to let things roll off your shoulders that are just straight up funny like I can tell you I remember people telling me things about like how how are you guys doing? How are you guys having sex. What are you doing and I was like.
16:18.71
twelve12ministries
Yes.
16:29.90
Holly Piorkowski
The number one very personal number two I really wanted to jokingly be like I guess we're not doing it right and just see their face but I never did it I still need to do it sometime because especially I I was going to say especially older generations. But honestly, no, it was across the board just like comical like well have you tried this or even.
16:37.82
twelve12ministries
Ah, oh. Yeah.
16:48.69
Holly Piorkowski
Like I'm not a holistic health person I Obviously I mean I go to doctors I take medication I get the flu shot. Whatever but you will meet people that are like well you just need to stop eating soy and I'm like you're right? but I really like soy sauce so that's probably not going to happen like.
16:59.47
twelve12ministries
Um, yeah.
17:07.70
Holly Piorkowski
You'd need to be able to laugh at the things that are hilarious that might be sex related that you want to be like no or like you need to lay this way on this pillow at this angle. No like no yes and I remember trying some of that stuff and then being like I'm I'm done with this.
17:16.36
twelve12ministries
Right? Put your feet up put your legs up. Yeah, this is silly. Yeah.
17:25.90
Holly Piorkowski
Um, it's so silly but I was looking for a verse to kind of go along with this and I found job 29 he will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy just thinking about job story in that situation obviously different but still walking through like trials and hardships and.
17:36.77
twelve12ministries
Um, hard things. Yeah, um.
17:44.43
Holly Piorkowski
Things don't make sense and so I think just realizing that the lord reminded him and the lord filled his mouth with laughter and his lips with shouts of joy is just like god wants you to laugh. You have to find the funny in this because it's going to happen and John actually we were talking about it because he was the one that told me to add this point.
17:53.66
twelve12ministries
Yes.
18:02.13
twelve12ministries
I Love him.
18:03.63
Holly Piorkowski
And he goes you need to tell people to write stuff down because I forgot so many things that people had said but I wish I would have written some of them down because you're just going to get some weird some weird things or people that really believe this one vitamin and maybe maybe it will help. Maybe it would help.
18:09.94
twelve12ministries
Yeah yep, is gonna.
18:21.10
Holly Piorkowski
But like that it's like the quick fix now like I don't know I mean maybe but be able to laugh at the fact that they're so hardcore about it is helpful. Just let it roll off. Let yourself laugh. Don't be so serious that you can't laugh on some things like super awkwardly funny or just funny.
18:23.00
twelve12ministries
No.
18:30.72
twelve12ministries
Um, yeah.
18:36.18
twelve12ministries
Yes, Holly so we can assume the best Even when people's words and their motives seem strange.
18:40.10
Holly Piorkowski
Yeah, we can totally assume it yes or when they say really silly things. But yes, yeah I mean God wired us to want to come alongside each other especially as believers. So I think you you can't allow yourself to live life.
18:58.93
twelve12ministries
Um, come on. Yeah.
18:59.53
Holly Piorkowski
Offended by someone's attempt at showing care like that's not fair to them. That's not fair to you and that that that is you putting things in your control that are not supposed to be are you feeling like you're putting something in your control like you determining someone's motive is not your job so stop doing it.
19:14.22
twelve12ministries
Yes, yep, so live unoffended love others seek the Lord's word yeah
19:18.77
Holly Piorkowski
Yes, yeah I mean life is too short to be I always say life is too short to live offended. That's something I think about a lot because that's what Satan wants you to do and I'm not I'm not here for that. But.
19:26.80
twelve12ministries
Yeah, nope yeah me either so good. Thanks friend Holly this was such a good conversation.
19:37.93
Holly Piorkowski
Yes, yeah.
19:42.66
twelve12ministries
Friends I hope that you are encouraged just by. You know these few points and just when someone comes at you this week whether they are meaning well that their heart is right? or maybe they are sharing something icky with you that you are not okay with.
19:49.70
Holly Piorkowski
Yes.
19:59.58
twelve12ministries
Is that here are some things that you really can do just to seek the Lord um show love and live unoffended.
20:09.76
Holly Piorkowski
Ah, that wasn't my phone that was John's phone he just said sorry plus his heart hey I wanted to add on I know we talked about this but with our um, monthly membership and you and I talked about this offline but.
20:24.13
twelve12ministries
Oh yeah, yes.
20:28.60
Holly Piorkowski
Just to encourage the person that's like I don't really know if I need that or whatever the reality is you or someone you love or you are going to meet someone or you yourself have walked through infertility and you just want tools to help another woman walk through it like this is for you or if you're just a woman and a mom that wants to be encouraged this is for you Really any.
20:40.67
twelve12ministries
Mias. Yeah.
20:44.43
twelve12ministries
Yes.
20:47.62
Holly Piorkowski
Anyone? Um, just walking through trials or waiting on God I think you should sign up, you should do it and we would love for you to join this journey with us sorry about that.
20:55.40
twelve12ministries
Yes, you guys? Awesome! Thanks! Holly! Thanks for listening everybody. No I love that that was so good. Thanks for listening to this week's oh no, thanks for listening to the episode you guys and we will see you soon. But.
21:09.11
Holly Piorkowski
Come to our event. We'd love to meet you.