Welcome back friends!
The goal of this episode is to show you how to keep your cool and keep the Lord first this holiday season. Well-meaning people will say triggering things, and we want to encourage you with helpful ways to navigate those difficult situations and remove yourself from the conversation when you need to.
Let the Holy Spirit fill your hearts & minds with peace this holiday season. We love you and hope this episode will help encourage you! You are not alone!
Episode Highlights:
Find More on Purpose Beyond Motherhood and Twelve 12 Ministries :
Welcome back friends!
The goal of this episode is to show you how to keep your cool and keep the Lord first this holiday season. Well-meaning people will say triggering things, and we want to encourage you with helpful ways to navigate those difficult situations and remove yourself from the conversation when you need to.
Let the Holy Spirit fill your hearts & minds with peace this holiday season. We love you and hope this episode will help encourage you! You are not alone!
Episode Highlights:
Find More on Purpose Beyond Motherhood and Twelve 12 Ministries :
00:01.80
twelve12ministries
Hey friends welcome to another episode of the purpose beyond motherhood podcast. We are so excited that you are here if this is your first time joining us. Thank you so much for tuning in and if you are a regular listener hey welcome back? Um, but just wanted to jump in and just let you know first things first.
00:13.80
Holly
00:19.48
twelve12ministries
The goal of this podcast episode today is to show you in anyone that's feeling anxious about the holiday season. You know I know you've got some questions. There's going to be some family gathering some parties all of the things but we want to remind you today that you are not alone and just share some helpful hints. On how you can keep your cool and keep the lord first this holiday season. Yeah.
00:43.46
Holly
Yes, so good. Nicole. Okay, so we're just going to jump right into the meat of all of this. Um, so the first thing that I just want to identify with you and help you recognize is that you are going to be triggered um by things around the holiday season whether it's a commercial ah whether it's I don't. There's just it's all family base kids meaning santa whatever that looks like um so I just wanted to tell you a personal story that happened to me when we were in I want to say like year four or 5 of trying and it was Christmas morning all of my nephews were opening presents and their stockings and all of that and I were like.
01:02.65
twelve12ministries
Yeah, yeah.
01:20.22
Holly
I was like I'm good like this is special and sweet and it was It doesn't discount that in any way but I had to all of a sudden it just hit me like this heaviness and this this like grief this burden of grief that I was not having a child sitting with my nephews to open stockings and presents and all of that.
01:30.82
twelve12ministries
Um.
01:34.78
twelve12ministries
And.
01:39.31
Holly
Um, so I had to run I ran out of the room because I didn't want my sister in-laws to see me both of them were super aware and we were at my in-laws this year. So Both of them were super aware of everything I was going through and very caring and considerate through all of it. But I lost it in the hallway I think I ran into my husband. Like as I was trying to exit this scene and he gave me a hug and was like it's okay and then my mother in law who also has been extremely sweet and encouraging to me was like Holly. It's okay, like it's normal for you to feel that way and we're just going to believe that you'll get to do this someday something along those lines but I'm saying all of that to say.
01:59.23
twelve12ministries
Um, all.
02:16.34
twelve12ministries
Um.
02:17.74
Holly
You need to start now preparing your heart and your mind with just the scripture and the verses about peace and how um the lord is with you in it. So I wrote down isaiah 29 which says you will keep imperfect peace those whose minds are steadfast because they trust in you.
02:18.94
twelve12ministries
Yes.
02:26.00
twelve12ministries
Um, yes, yeah.
02:37.20
Holly
Um I think just reminding yourself that the lord is with us and his presence is one that is peace filled and steadfast when we feel a little off or out of it. Um, and then I also found this verse which helped me to just remember that the Lord knows.
02:44.88
twelve12ministries
Yes, amen.
02:54.83
Holly
That waiting is hard. He knows that the process of growing our faith is really difficult and painful so psalms 27 14 and the new living translation says wait patiently for the lord be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the lord. Um I love that it said.
02:57.45
twelve12ministries
And yeah.
03:11.39
Holly
Like he's acknowledging that it takes bravery and courage and and being courageous to walk through waiting. It's not for the faint of heart. It's not. He's not like dismissing it or downplaying it. Um, he sees you in it and he wants to help you wait well in your journey. Yes I have.
03:18.38
twelve12ministries
Um, no.
03:28.46
twelve12ministries
Amen.
03:30.62
Holly
Oh I have another this is the same verse just a different translation. But sorry I'm I'm just going. Um, the new King James version says wait on the lord be of good courage and he shall strengthen your heart weight I say on the lord. So I think again, he he's recognizing and he knows that true surrender requires.
03:32.39
twelve12ministries
Yes.
03:41.00
twelve12ministries
The.
03:50.36
Holly
Um, true surrender in the weight requires courage and faith and I know that does not make sense when you're waiting like it. It doesn't make sense to have courage and have faith when you're waiting because it's hard. It's not easy.
03:54.30
twelve12ministries
Um, as um, good holly.
04:02.72
Holly
So I think just asking the lord to coat you in that courage patience and faith will strengthen you beyond What makes any sense in the natural.
04:08.78
twelve12ministries
So good. Okay, so you're just telling us to prepare our heart and our mind right now because yes we are going to be triggered by absolutely everything Tv Church friends family social media just all of the things I love love love those verses.
04:12.93
Holly
Yes.
04:18.82
Holly
Yeah, just so yes.
04:27.58
twelve12ministries
Especially just how talking about weight requires courage and faith. That's a big 1 big big. big okay number 2 we're going to draw a boundary and know who is safe to talk to and when to end the conversation.
04:31.12
Holly
Yes, yep, Amen girl.
04:43.90
Holly
Yes, yes, this is something that I'm a people pleaser So this is not easy for me even now.
04:45.22
twelve12ministries
I Think this is big. Ah.
04:52.17
twelve12ministries
Yeah I I'm with you I'm a peoplelea I'm ah I I'll say I'm a recovering people pleaser I we're go to say that and so yes I will stay in a conversation and just just to please that person and like ok yeah I'm listening. Yes.
04:56.38
Holly
Yeah, even.
05:06.79
Holly
Um.
05:08.39
twelve12ministries
Knowing that my heart is breaking tears. Are you know, welling up in my eyes and just like it's okay, it's ok for us to say you know and it's ok for us to draw that boundary and just say like hey I cannot have this conversation right now or can we pick this up or.
05:12.62
Holly
Um, move.
05:23.34
Holly
Yes.
05:27.48
twelve12ministries
This is really heavy on my heart right now can we in this you know? ah.
05:31.43
Holly
Yep true I mean even me running out of the room on Christmas morning. My sister inlaws did not even know that it happened so like not making it dramatic but removing yourself from a situation is a very healthy response and and it is okay for a moment then you come back like gather yourself.
05:40.15
twelve12ministries
Um, a.
05:44.14
twelve12ministries
Yes.
05:49.72
Holly
Come back.
05:51.65
twelve12ministries
Holly I love that you said that that it's okay for a moment that we don't have to stay. We don't have to live there but also giving yourself permission to to have that moment. It's okay and again the lord can take it. He's not disappointed in you that.
05:55.68
Holly
Um, yes, and.
06:07.81
twelve12ministries
That you had that moment of of heartbreak and you're crying and just so upset like he wants to see you be you you know and you can. It's okay, like it really is okay to do that and.
06:17.20
Holly
Um, yes.
06:20.51
Holly
Yes, and I this just popped in my head but I feel like it's such a testament of God and your relationship with him and understanding his love for you to be able to walk through that and still turn back to your faith even in the waiting even in that.
06:38.50
twelve12ministries
Yes, yeah, um.
06:39.81
Holly
Not like no diagnosis or unexplained infertility or failed I Uis you are a testament to every family member that's around you in that season when you like stick with the lord when it doesn't make sense.
06:47.00
twelve12ministries
Come on? Yeah and yes, and then 2 I love this is that you don't owe anyone anything like you don't have to share your family planning.
06:59.40
Holly
Now.
07:03.61
twelve12ministries
Next steps you don't have you don't have to do that if you don't feel comfortable with that. So be confident in in that knowing like hey I don't have to share everything or just saying and being honest hey this is something that is emotional for us. It's really heavy. We are going to keep this private at this time.
07:06.86
Holly
So good.
07:23.20
twelve12ministries
And at the right time we will share something you know and either when we have something different or we have some news to share.
07:29.15
Holly
Yes, and I want to say too I think even after like we were blessed with Kenley through ivf and I'm so thankful for that. But I still am triggered by things like there was a disney short film about this kid with a mickey mouse that I just saw and like passing it down to a sibling.
07:40.45
twelve12ministries
Um.
07:47.72
Holly
And I'm watching it with Kinley and I'm like trying to keep it together but I felt like the lord was trying to show me and remind me like you need to remember not in a cruel way but like allowing my heart to remember that grief so that we can come alongside you the listener and.
07:48.32
twelve12ministries
Um, oh.
07:59.40
twelve12ministries
Yes.
08:03.47
Holly
And be in this with you like there's nothing wrong with you for feeling these waves of emotions. Um, so yeah I used to always tell family when they would ask I would just say we're working on it like we're trying our best because I didn't know what else to say and it's okay to just say that.
08:15.62
twelve12ministries
Um, yeah.
08:21.65
twelve12ministries
Yes, and I do want to say just again, you're not failing anyone I know when when we're walking through that season of infertility of loss is that um you know, especially in those family gatherings when you see everyone you see growing families or.
08:22.59
Holly
So. Not oh amen.
08:38.96
twelve12ministries
Children that you think that you are a failure and that you are alone and you are not. You are not God has a perfect plan for you and it just looks different from everyone else and that's okay.
08:41.85
Holly
Um, yes, no amen.
08:51.65
Holly
It's so good. Yes, and if someone has like a sassy response to you saying I Really can't talk about this that is on them that response that unhealthy, whatever that is it. That's not an emotionally healthy response. You can just say I like I need to step away or you don't.
09:01.60
twelve12ministries
Um.
09:09.90
Holly
It's not your job to fix their response to your situation that's between them and the lord and if they don't know the lord then just remind yourself of that as well and you responding in a loving way is what Jesus would do and won't make sense to them and they might they might push but I would just say remove yourself from that situation. Um.
09:10.90
twelve12ministries
Yes.
09:16.66
twelve12ministries
Um, and then.
09:24.10
twelve12ministries
Yes.
09:27.88
Holly
Okay, so the third thing and you kind of just touched on it. Well yeah, underneath it I wrote a little bit about this but just remembering that the reason for celebrating the holidays is not a judgment of you or the status of you as a mother or the status of your womb I think I remember going to parties and things and thinking they're immediately going to ask me.
09:39.90
twelve12ministries
Yes.
09:47.23
Holly
Where we're out with treatment like what we're doing that is not although your friends that know you well have the right to ask you that if you've given them permission and they're in your story with you but just remember that is not people don't look at you when you walk in a Christmas party and think oh she should have her baby or you know that's not.
09:48.74
twelve12ministries
Um, and here.
10:05.40
Holly
That's not what people are thinking that truly love you. So don't let the enemy play that real in your head of oh they're all thinking about it or I remember just getting insecure about thinking they were thinking that when they saw me which is just like this crazy thought Pattern um.
10:05.77
twelve12ministries
Um, right.
10:22.34
Holly
But just kind of restating what Nicole said like your husband's love for you. Your family's love for you. Your mom your mother in law. None of them are loving you any less for not carrying a newborn into this Christmas holiday season or having a a pregnant belly. That's not they've loved you. Before this is even part of your story. Um, and if your family's not healthy and they say strange things to you again opportunity for you to just blow them away with the grace of the lord in that situation because it doesn't make sense at all.
10:40.53
twelve12ministries
Yes, yeah.
10:51.18
twelve12ministries
Yes, you know that's awesome. That's really really good. Okay, wait holly tell the story really quick about John wanting to buy the mini van developer that story. Ah.
11:00.71
Holly
My gosh? Yes, okay still I forgot about this actually. So I John's always wanted a minivan and sweet man I was like I don't want a minivan that is empty when we like don't have kit. It was like such a triggering thing so he ended up buying me a different car.
11:17.49
twelve12ministries
Um.
11:20.19
Holly
But that just like coincides with that like realizing your spouse's love for you. All of that is not conditional on whether you have a car full of kids like no when you stood at the altar. It didn't say I promised to pop out 3 kids and have a dog. No, that's not.
11:27.97
twelve12ministries
Yes.
11:37.12
Holly
Like the dream of the family and the dream that god has placed in each of us to have a family is 100% from him. But I think the enemy can start to spin that and make you think that you failed and that I remember thinking like I don't want to have this empty car and be in it by myself and. Feel like sad or whatever and so I think I even would vocalize those things to John and he would be like I don't feel that way about you at all like I don't feel like you failed and I would just like I even to this day I'll say things to him and he's like nope definitely not feeling that about you that's not from the lord.
12:03.36
twelve12ministries
Um, yes I.
12:10.67
twelve12ministries
A 6 and but.
12:12.84
Holly
Um, so I think just just reminding yourself again like the status of you and your womb and if you're wearing a maternity shirt or you're holding a swaddled baby that is not that is not conditional that is not something where someone's going to love you more or less because of it.
12:24.30
twelve12ministries
Um, right? yeah.
12:29.87
Holly
Think just remembering that and reminding yourself that the enemy is going to use the weirdest things to come at you in the holidays because he will because he's creepy and gross.
12:35.50
twelve12ministries
You But so gross. Oh my goodness. Yeah and and two I think we just need to find our person like find your person right now who you are going to go to find your safe safe space.
12:42.67
Holly
He amen.
12:50.79
twelve12ministries
Tell your husband. What is the safe word so he can help you and support you like if you got to get out of there. Something has to happen like you know start start planning that now. Um, and again just asking the lord you know for discernment on who you can talk with and who you can share.
12:50.86
Holly
Um, yes to I mean amen.
13:09.11
twelve12ministries
Um, your intimate details with um and just allowing them to be there for you I think sometimes too that we you know have our person but then we want to like put this front on that we're like oh we're fine. You know I don't need any help but really saying like hey hey friend I do need some help can you help me.
13:14.28
Holly
Um, yes.
13:26.93
Holly
Yep, absolutely and I think about this too something that John's taught me because I attend he like jokes that I'll tell random people that I love them I really do love people quickly. But because of that I want to like disclose things that they're not.
13:35.78
twelve12ministries
So.
13:42.70
Holly
And the state of our relationship like they don't need to know that that's not something I have to share. Um, so I think about this verse a lot. It's in Matthew chapter 7 verse six and it talks about.
13:42.34
twelve12ministries
Um, you.
13:53.51
Holly
It says and then ib it says do not give dogs What is sacred do not throw your pearls to pigs if you do they may trample them under their feet and turn and tear you to pieces. It's pretty. It's pretty violent um sounding but just remembering you do not have to share things with people.
14:00.10
twelve12ministries
Oh.
14:11.36
Holly
That don't know the lord in a way that they can be encouraging back to you if you want to share it with them to like show how you're trusting got through it. That's 1 thing. But if you're going to tell them like oh my my transfer failed or whatever you know that their response back is I don't it might be.
14:11.73
twelve12ministries
Um.
14:29.23
Holly
It's not going to be scripturally like encouraging to you or biblically backed So it's not going to. It's not going to bring you that encouragement and that hope that you're wanting um and you don't need to share things with people that you've just met or that.
14:32.88
twelve12ministries
Yes.
14:40.35
twelve12ministries
Um, in here.
14:45.10
Holly
Aren't emotionally stable or healthy enough to respond in a way that aligns with your heart and your relationship with the lord say I don't don't throw them pearls to the pigs people hides.
14:49.47
twelve12ministries
Yes, amen don't don't do it so friends as you're walking into this holiday season. Just know we are here for you. Okay I'm going to give you our twelve twelve number you can text us.
15:07.12
Holly
So again.
15:08.46
twelve12ministries
Whatever you need over the holidays like we are here for you. Okay, we're going to put it in the show notes as well. But it's 4 6 9 4 7 6 2 2 1 2 we want to hear from you if you need prayer if you need just whatever reach out to us. We've got your back. Um, because yeah, we know we're walking into the holiday season heavy too. You know just with within our own stories and so we see you you are not alone.
15:30.90
Holly
Yes.
15:38.87
Holly
I this is strange with the lord just put this on my heart I'm to roll with it I'm going to pray like a really brief prayer. Um, just that someone might need to hear before they step into something. Okay Lord I asked that you would just go before and behind these women as they walk into every Christmas party every family celebration.
15:42.40
twelve12ministries
Um, yes, yeah, yes.
15:56.27
Holly
Anything where they're feeling like they're lacking Lord I ask that you would fill them with peace with comfort that only comes from you I ask that you would fill their mouths with the right words to say and when to end a conversation if they need to in a loving way and I ask that you would let them feel seen and heard and not discounted this holiday season. It's your name I pray.
16:07.24
twelve12ministries
Ask Thank you.
16:15.30
Holly
Amen Amen okay ladies we're here for you. We love you I told you I love everyone and.
16:15.84
twelve12ministries
Amen Amen Yes here. Yeah.