Foster Care and Faith: Trusting God’s Path to Parenthood with Nicole Bowman

In today’s episode of Purpose Beyond Motherhood, Holly and Nicole are joined by Nicole Bowman to share an incredible journey of faith, family, and foster care. Nicole opens up about her and her husband’s early experiences with a controlling church, their challenging path through infertility, and how God guided them to foster care. Despite heartbreaks and uncertainties, they discovered the beauty of fostering and adopted two children. Nicole reflects on the power of trusting God’s plan, even in the hardest seasons, and offers hope and encouragement to women navigating motherhood in its many forms. Tune in for an inspiring conversation about purpose, resilience, and the beauty of God’s timing.

Episode Highlights: 

• Meet our guest, Nicole Bowman.
• Nicole’s journey of faith and infertility.
• What about foster care?
• Supporting our spouses through the journey.
• Sometimes motherhood looks different than we planned.

Links Mentioned in Episode/Find More on Purpose Beyond Motherhood & Hope Bridge:

• Twelve 12 Ministries Website
• IG Handle: @twelve12ministries
• Facebook: @twelve12ministries
• Email: info@twelve12ministries.org 
• Visit the Twelve 12 Ministries Shop
• Follow Foster Our Community on Instagram
• Follow Hope Bridge on Instagram
• Learn More About Hope Bridge on Their Website Here

This show has been produced by Adkins Media Co.

Transcript

Holly (00:00)
world. Hey ladies, welcome back to the Purpose Beyond Motherhood podcast. My name is Holly and we're so glad you're here. I have Nicole with me. Hi, Nicole.

Twelve 12 (00:12)
Hey, Holly.

Nicole Bowman (00:14)
Yeah

Holly (00:14)
And we have another Nicole here with us guys. Can you say hi, Nicole?

Twelve 12 (00:17)
Nicole today.

Nicole Bowman (00:18)
Hi.

Holly (00:21)
Okay, I'm gonna let 1212 Nicole tell you about our new friend Nicole.

Twelve 12 (00:26)
Thank you, Holly. So glad to be here with you. You guys, it's just, I love Divine Appointments and connections and just major shout out to Bethany with Adkins Media, just how she just is a connector. And of course, anytime she's like, hey, you guys, you need to talk with this person or meet with this person, I'm all about it. Holly's all about it. And so we have Nicole here, Nicole Bowman, hey.

Holly (00:33)
Hmm.

Woo woo!

Yes.

Nicole Bowman (00:52)
Hey.

Twelve 12 (00:55)
Well, Nicole, I mean, just like Holly said, I'm getting out of the way and I'm just so intrigued by your story and just how the Lord is using you. So do you want to maybe share a little bit about you and your story?

Holly (01:00)
Mm-hmm.

Nicole Bowman (01:07)
Sure, I'd be glad to. I was reading this morning in my Bible, I had made a note and it said, do not be afraid of God's plan. Remember who God is and what he has done. And so I was thinking about, there's hard parts of our stories that we don't often like to dwell on, but it's good to dwell on those. It's good to remember what God has done. And I have found over the years by being vulnerable and sharing those hard parts.

God is able to use that. And so my husband and I met when we were teenagers at a church that we both attended and we got married relatively young. The church that we attended, unfortunately was very controlling. And at times I would even refer to it as a cult. And so one of the things that they really tried to do was discourage us from having our own families.

so that we could spend a lot of our time, our money, our resources on their ministry. And so that's the decision that we made at a very young age due to the influences that were around us. And while I do really appreciate and admire those who make that choice because they are stepping into God's plan for their life, I don't know that we would have done that had we not been encouraged to do so.

However, if it wasn't for that journey and that decision those many years ago, I would not be in the position that I am in today. And that's the director of foster care program at Oak Ridge. And so I can see how God's taking the hard parts of my stories and he's used it for good. My husband and I did go to the foreign mission field many times overseas to Africa and different countries around the world. And we often found ourselves in orphanages

serving children and it was such a huge blessing and it was such a heart-wrenching thing because in my mind I realized what a wonderful father my husband would be and we really began to desire to have our own family. And so as that desire began to grow, a lot of stuff was happening within the church that we attended. A lot of our family was there.

So getting out of it would not have been an easy thing to do on our own, but God made the way for us to get out, but not without a lot of collateral damage. And that would be many of our family would have been broken and hurt and there was abuse that had happened. And we were sitting there with our hands just like we have no family. We do not have children. Where do we go from here? And we were in our mid-30s, just really desiring to have our own family.

at the same time carrying a lot of burdens and a lot of heavy loads within our family. And so we begin to pursue having our own biological children. There would be surgeries and doctor's appointments and then waiting. Things don't just happen overnight. And then we did look into adopting domestically, internationally, and just kind of

Trying to wrestle with the fact that we really wanted a family, it wasn't happening right away, where was God taking us? My husband really just was struggling more than anybody that I've seen because we thought had we decided at a younger age to have children, maybe it would have been possible. Long story short, in my research, God just kept taking me back to foster care. And so we were just...

That's something that I just dwelt on for a while, but didn't present it to my husband right away. We were just healing from all the hurt from church and wrestling with who God was. And so during that time, we started attending a new church where everywhere you looked, there was pregnant women everywhere. Like, I don't know what was in their water, but it just seemed like everybody was having babies. And...

Holly (05:22)
Hmm.

Nicole Bowman (05:24)
I of course was not. And I think you're a little hyper aware of things when you're in a struggle. And I remember Mother's Day, some churches will have all the moms stand up and honor them or all the dads stand up. And this church that we attend now, they have every woman 18 and older stand up. And they honor every woman in the church regardless of whether they have children or not. And that was such a huge thing for me

That was such a hard season, struggling with that, that waiting for a child. And so I also was part of the women's ministry and I was sharing my testimony about what we have come out of and the hard parts that we were dealing with. My dad was dying of brain cancer, just life was upside down, but yet I could see God's goodness. And this lady who I didn't know came up to me and she hugged me and said,

Holly (06:15)
Mm.

Nicole Bowman (06:22)
I believe God will give you a family. And I believed her and it wasn't, I would not normally believe people when they say things like that. I'm not a fan of somebody telling you, you watch one day, you're going to have a child. You watch, you adopt and then you'll get pregnant. I'm not okay with those things because that's not always God's plan for somebody. But the way she said it, it was, you know,

Holly (06:32)
Hmm.

Hmm.

Twelve 12 (06:46)
Yeah.

Nicole Bowman (06:50)
I believe God will give you a family. And I held onto that because I really believed he would. I just didn't know what that would look like. And so again, we were looking at adoption. We were trying to have our own. I looked at foster care and I said to my husband, you know, what about foster care? And he said, nope, absolutely not. There's no way. When we would go to the foreign mission field and he would meet.

always meet a boy or a girl or a child that he would just fall in love with. And as we would leave the orphanage or leave that city, who was crying? It was my husband. Just, you know, having a hard time leaving that child. And so we knew that attachment would be a thing for him. And so I didn't push him. You know that movie Instant Family where...

Holly (07:31)
Mm.

Nicole Bowman (07:48)
The mom's on the computer and she sees all those kids and she's just like, and then she mentions it to the dad and he's like, no way. And that's how it was with us, no way. Until we went to a local restaurant and there was a table set up with pictures from our county agency of children who were in foster care that were available for adoption. And as he walked around and looked at their faces, he just kept saying, these kids need homes. These kids need homes.

Holly (07:56)
Mm-hmm.

Nicole Bowman (08:17)
And I believe that's when God planted that seed for him to consider foster care. So we began taking classes to become licensed foster family. It was just like a whirlwind of emotions. You know, how could we do this? They scare you in these classes sometimes. They tell you all the worst case scenarios. They tell you all the hard things, but they also told you the need.

And so then we left there thinking, how could we not do this? You know, how could we, how could we not? And so as we were getting licensed, we still had that, my husband still had to know we did everything we could to have our own biological children. And so in the process of getting licensed, we also were in the process of doing IVF. And so I think for us knowing, okay.

We're gonna do last resort on our part, but we're also gonna continue pursuing foster care and what God wants to do with it, he will. So we did IVF in 2016. At the end of May into June, we got our license for foster care in June, 2016. The IVF was unsuccessful. The following month, we got our first placement and it was a 13 month old little boy. They said,

would probably go home to dad. He was doing great. And I said, fine, we'll practice. Because our goal was to support families and support children. But that would be our forever son. So Grayson came to us at 13 months. His sister came to us a year later when she was born. And they are both now eight and six. We've adopted them from foster care. They are amazing. And during that time,

Holly (09:49)
Hmm.

Mmm. Wow.

Mmm.

Nicole Bowman (10:14)
And to this day, we have a relationship with biological mom and dad. I can't tell you what I've learned about myself and what I've learned about God through this journey into foster care. And honestly, we couldn't love our children anymore had they been biologically related to us. And so we had another long-term placement, a little girl who was with us for two and a half years.

Holly (10:34)
Hmm.

Nicole Bowman (10:42)
relatives. And then when she left, a month later, the kiddo's baby brother came to us, and he was with us for nine months and then reunified with mom and dad. And so now we are parenting two biological siblings who have a full biological sibling with mom and dad. And now we are navigating a whole new area where mom and dad are expecting again. And at this point, the plan is to place him in our home for adoption, private adoption. So

That's in a nutshell of our story. I could go on and on about God's goodness and about what God has done, about all the things that I've learned, but that's my story in a nutshell, just, you know, God's been good to us. And again, I wouldn't have this job that I have today as the foster care director at Hope Bridge, had it not been for my journey through foster care and it's a job that I absolutely love.

Twelve 12 (11:15)
Thank you.

Nicole Bowman (11:42)
with people that I absolutely love.

Holly (11:46)
That is amazing. There's nothing cooler to me than when you can just see and Nicole always says this so eloquently, but like the puzzle pieces of the way God aligns what he wants for your life and just to hear you talk about girl going through IVF and your foster classes that right training. I'm like good gravy. You were probably like that is I don't even know.

Twelve 12 (11:47)
Thank you.

Nicole Bowman (12:09)
at the same time.

Holly (12:13)
I don't even know. I worked for my church while I took IVF medication and I was like, I need to not work here. I'm not being nice. But that is just...

Nicole Bowman (12:19)
Yeah, well, our facility was an hour away. So for that period of time, I was driving an hour to get a shot. Yeah, it was fun.

Holly (12:26)
No ma'am.

I just, your diligence and your dedication to finding places for God's kids that need homes is amazing. I just, that is incredible. So proud of you. That is a lot.

Twelve 12 (12:41)
This is.

Nicole Bowman (12:45)
Thank you. You know, Jeremiah, the 29th chapter, the 11th verse, we always love to share that verse and it's encouraging. You know, for the, I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord plans for welfare, not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. But we always have to remind ourselves, he wrote that letter while they were in captivity. There would be 70 more years of captivity. And so

Holly (12:47)
Yeah.

I'm gonna go to bed.

Mm.

Mm-hmm.

Nicole Bowman (13:13)
I always want to remind people when they're in the hard spot, God does have a plan for you. It's a reminder that we can hold on to hope and He has plans for us, but we may still have to go through a really hard season before we get to His, you know, or that plan, how it's going to play out. And I don't know, I'm just so grateful. I'm so grateful that I can trust Him for my future because He's gone before me. I can trust Him with the past.

Holly (13:16)
Mmm.

Twelve 12 (13:18)
Yeah.

Holly (13:26)
Mm-hmm.

Amen.

Nicole Bowman (13:41)
even in the hard stuff, even when I questioned the, why did you allow this or why did this happen? I don't have to question though, about the fact that he was good. And I don't have to question the fact that he wasn't there because he was. No, he was there when things weren't going the way that I thought they should go. And I'm just so grateful for that. And some of the biggest blessings of my life have come through as a result of our journey.

Holly (13:57)
Mm.

Nicole Bowman (14:11)
you know, of the two most amazing kids ever. And I can't take any credit because I didn't birth them. So.

Holly (14:11)
Mm-hmm.

Hmm. It's incredible.

Twelve 12 (14:15)
them beautiful. Precious. Well, Nicole, I definitely want to ask you a quick question about your husband because I think a lot of times we always talk about and I'm assuming he absolutely was there for you during this time, but you shared some things about him and so how what was it like for you to kind of step in and be there for him?

Holly (14:22)
Oh

Nicole Bowman (14:25)
Yeah.

Holly (14:28)
Mm.

Mm.

Twelve 12 (14:42)
you know, how did you know how to support him or how did you know to, you know, cause a lot of times when it's flipped, you know, my husband and I was just like, he was like, what is happening? You know, and so how, just how are you able to just really walk alongside him during that, that hard time?

Nicole Bowman (14:51)
Great.

Yeah.

Holly (14:56)
Mm-hmm.

Nicole Bowman (15:03)
You know, it was tricky because I'm the type of person that, you know, if I always try to see God and everything, like, okay, this is a really hard season. What is God going to do with this? And, you know, God is always good. And whereas my husband grew up in the church that we attended and everything that he ever believed was just now questionable. Questioning his faith in God, questioning who God is, does God care?

Holly (15:33)
Mmm.

Nicole Bowman (15:33)
his choice that we made at a young age not to have children and trying to just encourage him that, you know, I'm okay. So I think I try to be strong for him and be and that can be hard because then I'm not allowing myself to grieve, you know, through this and but just giving him space to say how he felt to not judge him for feeling that way.

Holly (15:54)
Right.

Nicole Bowman (16:04)
And again, I mean, I didn't really want to go through IVF. I don't think that's something I thought was kind of exciting, you know? And I think that for me, that was supporting him because he just, he's the one that actually pursued getting the information on infertility doctors and doing the surgeries and, you know, a lot of it, I had to go through quite a bit of myself to do that because there was pre-surgeries for fibroids and.

Holly (16:14)
Mm-hmm.

Mm.

Nicole Bowman (16:35)
So I think being there for him meant that I was willing to also do those things that he thought was necessary. So, I don't know. The moment he saw Grayson though...

Twelve 12 (16:46)
Yeah, that's good. I'm telling you that, I'm telling you that, that was for someone listening right now. Like that right there was for someone listening. Cause I just think that that's so beautiful. And marriage is a partnership, you know? And so I think that, yes, we know that men have their roles, women have their roles, but also it's a partnership. And I think that your story is a beautiful example of partnership and what...

Holly (16:50)
Hmm. Yeah. Yep.

Yes.

Nicole Bowman (16:59)
It is.

Holly (17:07)
Amen.

Twelve 12 (17:13)
spouses in a godly marriage can look like and how we support each other. So thank you for sharing that.

Holly (17:15)
Amen.

Nicole Bowman (17:16)
Yes. Thank you. And we'll say.

Holly (17:19)
Yes, that, while you're talking, I'm like, the submission and the trust and the respect for you to be like, I will do this because this is what we've decided together and this will bring him peace in our next steps. I think that's, I think a lot of women would be like, no, I'm not doing that. But the fact that you like laid that down is amazing.

Nicole Bowman (17:42)
I will say, he also responded in the same way. So once we did do foster care, remember the goal is reunification. And so the first time he saw Grayson and Grayson reached for him, I knew I was in trouble because my husband was immediately smitten with this little boy. But five days later, we would have a family team meeting with all the people involved with the case and with the dad, the biological dad.

Holly (17:43)
Truly.

Hmm. Hehe. Yeah.

Hmm.

Nicole Bowman (18:11)
And the dad, they had him share like the reasons why he is where he was at in life and where he understood that his son, why his son was taken. And dad sat there and just opened his heart and just cried and, and shared about the things that he had heard about foster care, about foster parents and they weren't good. And I remember when it got to my husband, my husband looked at him and said, I don't know what it's like.

to come from where you've come from or be in your situation or not have the support that you haven't had. But I can tell you today, you've gained a brother and I'm here to support you. I'm here to care for your son as long as I need to. And so he joined me in that mindset of we're here to wrap around the family and care for these children, even if it's for a short time. And so for two years, I told him, look, he's not going, he's going home, he's going home.

Holly (18:47)
Hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm.

Nicole Bowman (19:07)
you know, until he did it. But so it just was really cool to see him also join me in that mission to care for the family.

Holly (19:20)
That's amazing. I think that's beautiful. What a beautiful picture of God's heart for us that your husband's like, I'm here, like I'm going to step in and carry this mantle as long as it's needed. And I think that breaks so many things generationally over those kids lives and just heals wounds they didn't even know they had. It's beautiful.

Twelve 12 (19:44)
Nicole, for just a quick moment, you know, because the podcast is called Purpose Beyond Motherhood. And so just would love to, you know, kind of get your thoughts on just again, honoring motherhood just in different ways. And so, you know, on the podcast, Holly and I, we always talk about, hey, you know, is foster care right for you? You know, if that's something that the Lord has placed on your heart, awesome. If adoption...

Holly (19:48)
Mmm.

Nicole Bowman (19:59)
Sure.

Holly (20:06)
Hmm.

Twelve 12 (20:10)
you know, awesome, but you know, we're definitely not saying like, Oh, you can't have a baby. This is what you're, you know, you're called to do. We definitely want our listeners to know that, Hey, God could have something so beautiful and perfect for them that looks different. And maybe just women don't know like what, how, how can they honor motherhood, you know, in different ways.

Holly (20:14)
Right.

Nicole Bowman (20:16)
Right.

Mm-hmm. Sure.

Yeah, so I think it's so important to realize that we have the ability as women to speak into the lives of others in many, many ways. Whether you're serving in missions, whether you're serving your church, whether you're a mentor to other women younger than you, I think a lot of times our titles, our identity lies in our titles.

I'm a teacher or I'm a mom or I'm a sister or I'm a whatever it is that we identify with and remembering that our identity really lies in Christ because our other titles change. We may be a mom or we may not be a mom. We may be a grandma or not. A sister we may not be. We may be a teacher. We may have this occupation that we care for but our identity ultimately lies in who God is and as a child of God.

Holly (21:18)
Yes.

Nicole Bowman (21:32)
And I think if we can hold on to that, he will direct us into the work that he's called us to do, whether it's caring for vulnerable children, whether they're in our home or whether we're serving in other capacities. And that's something that within our organization at Hope Bridge, we always say, everybody is called to care for their vulnerable, everybody can do foster care, not everybody has to be a foster parent. And so while...

Holly (21:55)
Hmm.

Nicole Bowman (22:01)
you know, I have had children in my home as a foster mom, the next person may just be that person who's supporting those families by doing respite care or by serving those families a meal or by being a mentor to those children. So there's so many ways that we can serve others and serve God that doesn't necessarily mean we are home caring for babies as a mom in that way. So...

Holly (22:01)
Good.

Nicole Bowman (22:28)
Yeah, that's just a huge part of what we do is trying to engage others into this field in some capacity and it not isn't necessarily you have to be a foster mom or an adoptive mom because that's really hard work too, you know.

Holly (22:41)
Mm-hmm. Absolutely.

Twelve 12 (22:44)
Yeah, so you just again using your gifts and talents or one discovering your gifts and talents and seeing you know how God wants to use you and then just using those gifts to glorify him. So awesome. Thank you.

Holly (22:47)
Mm-hmm.

Nicole Bowman (22:50)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, each of us have purpose. Each of us have a life that's worth giving to God and worth sharing with others. And again, our value doesn't lie in our titles, our value lies in who God's made us to be. And there's a lot of work to be done in his kingdom that isn't necessarily changing diapers or putting kids to bed. Although those are worthy, that's worthy work too, but.

Holly (23:06)
Mm.

Mm.

I'm sorry.

Nicole Bowman (23:27)
Um, yeah.

Holly (23:30)
I also have to say one more thing. At the beginning, when you talked about what the woman said to you at church, when she said, I believe God will give you a family. I love that because it doesn't confine the promise that's waiting for someone. I think it's so beautiful to hold on to the fact that it might not be what you think, but God is listening. And if you'll open your heart, He can move where you'll let Him. So I love that. I love that she worded it like that. I think that's so lovely.

Nicole Bowman (23:43)
Right. Yeah.

Twelve 12 (23:45)
Yeah.

Nicole Bowman (23:57)
I do too, and that's probably why I remember it. Cause I am sure, and I know there's people who've mentioned things to the fact, do you watch, you'll get into foster care, then you'll get pregnant. There's people who said those things. I don't remember who they are, but I remember what she said. And I've held onto that all these years. And I try to do that too, when I'm talking with other women sitting across the table from me who are struggling with infertility and I can't get pregnant. And I don't say like,

Twelve 12 (23:57)
Mm-hmm.

Holly (24:01)
Yes.

Mmm. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, absolutely. I love that. Love it.

Nicole Bowman (24:26)
I just say God knows he has a plan, you know, and.

Holly (24:27)
Yes.

Good.

Twelve 12 (24:33)
I know. So good. Nicole, thank you. Thank you for joining us today. We are so grateful for you. And so really quickly, how can, yeah, can you just let us know really quick, how can people find you online or Hope Ridge Online? All the things.

Holly (24:33)
Amen.

Nicole Bowman (24:35)
Yeah. Thank you for having me.

Holly (24:44)
Mm.

Nicole Bowman (24:45)
Sure. Yeah, yeah. So there's two ways you can find me on social media. That's through Foster Our Community, which is the foster care program. It's merging that program into Hope Ridge. So at Foster Our Community or at Hope Ridge, Ohio. And our website is hopebridgeohio.org. So you can find me both those places.

Twelve 12 (25:10)
Awesome. Nicole, again, thank you so much, you guys. We will put all of that info in the show notes and everything, but thank you just for being here. 

Holly (25:12)
Love it. Yes.

Nicole Bowman (25:13)
Thank you.

Thank you so much, ladies.

Holly (25:31)
Yes.